


Young and Beautiful

by Mikkelbabe



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Abuse, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:14:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkelbabe/pseuds/Mikkelbabe
Summary: Ann Walker is the daughter of a rich family. She works hard as a ballet dancer in honour of her dead parents. Her family kept her under strong surveillance and manipulated her into a unhealthy and religious mindset that breaks the blonde as she is unable to repress strong feelings of homosexuality any longer. She exhausted herself to the maximum as Anne Lister, a wealthy landlord from Halifax, entered back into her life.





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is set in a modern era alternative Universe. I changed some of the things but I kept it as true to the characters as possible! I will put a trigger warning before every chapter bc there will be some explicit content coming! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and have fun!! 💖

The Walkers had their company for many generations. It had its fame and success on the real estate market but with that came a lot of pressure and rumours around them. Especially because they kept a lot to themselves for generations of planned and smart marriages to expand their business partners and riches.   
It was in well hands in this generation as well but in early years the two owners and their middle child passed away due to a car accident.   
The only two children that were left were Ann and her older sister Elizabeth. The youngest one barely 14 and the older one only 18. Neither of them in the place to take control of the company so close cousins took care of it for years. Until one of them would claim their part and take over. Elizabeth married and became a mother of 5 later on and decided against it and left it to her younger sister Ann.   
By now the 29 year old should've been capable of being in charge but this job certainly overwhelmed her and the lack of confidence in herself and her abilities wasn't helping but she felt guilty to give the company up to her cousins. She tried learning and studying the market but her family trying to manipulate her and isolate her wasn't doing any help at all.   
She felt alone most of her life and lacked of social skills.   
The only thing Ann kept going for her parents was ballet. By now it was more than just a hobby and the blonde was lucky that her body and her face were looking rather young than what her true age was. 29 was old for a ballet dancer but she was too scared to give it up even though she hated every bit of it.

Summer rolled upon the city and the Walkers held their annual summer party. Inviting their daughter companies and friend companies. All of them much smaller and some of them in rivalry with each other. Just as the Listers and the Rawsons. But that wasn't what the summer party was about. It was about a good work climate and being in close contact with their workers.

Ann usually avoided these parties and stayed at home, since she didn't feel capable of handling that many people but this time her aunt and uncle forced her to come. 'It would be good for the people to see the new face of the Walkers.' 'They need to get to know you before you start working with them'   
Words that didn't calm Ann but only made her even more nervous.   
It was terrifying as they arrived and most people were already seated. Luckily her uncle held the opening speech and opened up the buffet. It all was going on its own but as Ann had been worrying a lot of people wanted to talk to her and vow around her sympathy. Especially the Rawsons tried to talk to her over and over again. Ann hated it. Hated feeling this exposed to everyone and having to take care of everything she said. 

Marian and Anne sat together at one of the many tables. The younger one enjoyed some of the food before she looked up and could tell where her Sister was looking. "Who are you looking at?" She followed her eyes and the only thing that could seem interesting to her sister was the new owner of the Walker's company. Ann Walker. "She is hardly recognisable, isn't she?" Marian commented but could tell Anne wasn't on the same page. "We met her before. Not to a very... happy occasion but we went to her parents funeral 15 years ago. Father was close with her parents. Poor thing she was only 14. She grew up to be a beautiful woman though."   
Anne could only agree. "A poor thing indeed." The tip of her tongue licked over the very rim of her lips before she took another sip from her champagne glas.  
Marian knew that look, she knew that look too well but before she could say anything her sister sat the, by now empty, glas back down and got up.   
"Oh no- Where are you going?" - "I'm going to make some conversation with young miss Walker. Catch up. Business." Anne was so cheeky. "Sure. Catch up." Marian rolled her eyes as she let her older sister go.

The middle aged woman made her way over to the new face of the company, grabbing a new and full glass of champagne from a waiter while she was at it.  
The blonde Miss Walker was surrounded by men that tried to vow at her and lull her into business meetings. She was putting up a clean face but Anne could tell an overwhelmed woman when she saw one.   
"Miss Walker. It's a pleasure to meet you again." She interrupted the crowd around her and immediately caught the younger ones attention.  
The men weren't too fond of her so the group fastly dissolved back into smaller groups further away.   
Ann was starstruck for a moment but relieved as the men around her finally gave her a moment to breathe.  
"Miss Lister. The pleasure is fully on my side." She answered and stretched out her hand to give the dark haired woman in front of her a handshake.   
"It truly been a while. Are you enjoying the party?" Anne asked, knowing that this party wasn't meant for her to enjoy.   
"Yes of course. I hope you can say the same?"  
They trained the blonde well. If Anne wasn't so good at reading people she would never suspect the stress the blonde must be under.   
"Why don't we go outside a little? Have a chat?" 

It would get her away from the crowd and the suffocating air in this room so Ann agreed and together they made their way outside. 

The night sky was beautiful clear. Stars sparkling everywhere and in a night like that you could even spot a shooting star here and there.   
Anne noticed the younger one staring up in the sky but Anne couldn't help but admire the beauty of her rather than the beauty of the sky above them.   
"A beautiful night, aint it?" Words that caught Ann's attention and she nodded.  
"Yes. Very much. I like the stars. The galaxy." She blushed slightly. A moment of weakness, Ann thought and immediately forced herself back into the role she was primed to be. 

The dark haired one leaned against the railing of the huge balcony this establishment had and pulled out a cigarette. "You smoke?" She offered but the blonde declined. Anne wasn't very surprised but she certainly was as Ann leaned against the railing next to her.   
It was quiet between them, but not uncomfortably quiet. Anne could tell that the other gave her space to enjoy her cigarette and she gave the younger one space to take a breathe. 

"Its busy in there." Ann then said with a slight sigh. "Many people. Many men. Many businessmen. I'm not used to this." - "You are doing very well considering that." The encouragement from Miss Lister felt... weird but also like the first honest words on this whole evening.   
A tiny smile danced on the edge of her lips before she hid it behind her glas. 

"So- it has really been some time. 15 years?" Anne started and Ann nodded in agreement. "Loads of things to catch up to?" 

It was a professional yet somewhat personal talk the two had on that night on that certain balcony. Ann told her about her career as a ballet dancer and an athlete and Anne told her about her many travels and especially about her time in Paris.  
The conversation even made Ann break her role a few times and tickled out a few tiny laughs.  
Anne had that effect on women and she certainly knew that. Having a- closer relationship with Miss Walker couldn't hurt, especially considering the convenient work positions both of them had.

But every great talk has its end at some time. Marian open the door to the balcony in slight distress. "Here you are!" She said. "Are you ever checking your phone Anne? We need to leave look at the time!"   
Marian's words made Anne roll her eyes. What a shame time was still relevant and she had to break up such a nice talk.   
"Miss Walker, I'm deeply sorry that we have to end our talk here but I had a pleasure spending time with you on this beautiful evening. Thank you for sparing some time for me." She once again reached out for a handshake and quickly received a soft hand in hers. She used to opportunity to lean down and give her hand a charming kiss.   
A gesture that threw the blonde off completely.  
It was cute how perplexed she was as Marian said goodbye to her as well.  
The two sister left the establishment and made their way down the road to their car.

"You know about the Walker's believes,right?" Marian mentioned and Anne just answered with a raise of her eyebrow. "They are strictly religious. Many of them are extremely homophobic. I'm not sure if she is the right one to vow at, Anne. Her aunt and uncle hate you."  
They really did. Anne was open about her sexuality and it's been a splitter in many people's fingers in this kind of network they had.   
"Just because they are, doesn't mean that she is."   
It was quiet between the sister until they reached their car. Even though Anne had a few glasses of champagne she still felt in good condition to drive. Better than Marian at least. 

"Marian, let me ask you something. You are always so... active when it comes to rumours-" Words that made Marian scoff with slight laughter. "Are there any rumours about a boyfriend of Miss Walker?" Anne finished as she started the engine.  
"Nope not that I'd know of. In fact I think there has never been. There are many rumours around her but not about that. Virgin Maria maybe?" 

After they entered their address into the navigation system and exited the parking spot they drove a few meters down the street before Anne abruptly stopped. "Jesus christ Anne-" Marian cussed.   
"That's Miss Walker." The older sister pointed at a petite figure walking in the dark night.  
"Where is she going? Walking all by herself at this hour?."   
Anne rolled down the window and drove slowly closer to the pavement.  
"Miss Walker! Going on a little night stroll?" Anne said charmingly.  
The blonde didn't expect anyone to talk to her so she twitched together as she suddenly heard her voice.   
"Oh- Uh well yes I wanted to walk home." She smiled.  
"Where do you live?" - "Crow's nest." "Crow's nest?! A walk?!" Marian commented from behind Anne. It was way too far away for an easy walk.  
Anne stopped the car and unlocked the doors.  
"Mind if we bring you home?" 

Ann was a little overwhelmed by the generous offer but took it and got into the back seat. 

"I've heard you do ballet?" Marian asked to start some conversation. Ann nodded. "Yes, in fact I have a performance soon, would you two like to come?" Her offer made Marian make a surprised sound. "Yes we would love to!"

Anne didn't say anything. She was focused on driving but especially focused on catching the little glimpses of Ann's bright blue eyes in the rearview mirror whenever their eyes met. 

After a 20 minute ride they arrived at Crow's nest. It was a rich street with multiple mansions on each side of it.   
"My stop is at the end of the road." Ann commented. They stopped at a fancy apartment building.  
"Thank you so much for driving me, I appreciate it a lot. I will email you about the tickets. Drive safe!" Ann said as she got out and walked up to the house.

"She truly is a lovely girl." Marian commented. She couldn't blame her sister for having interest in her. If she was gay herself, she would probably too.   
"Wait- I wanna know which ones is hers." Marian stopped her sister as that one wanted to press on the gas pedal again. "You are so nosey." Anne teased.  
After only a few seconds the lights in the apartment on the top floor turned on.  
"Of course."


	2. The curtains fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!: drug abuse, vomiting.
> 
> I hope you are going to enjoy this chapter just as much as the first one!   
> I made a matching Spotify playlist for this AU so here is the link if anyone is interested! (You can suggest me songs in the comments if a song reminds you of them💖)   
> https://open.spotify.com/user/1159938203/playlist/2UXsnZgtnYd0ayqXipYEHi?si=m-S07ilDQaOQYBCquSl2dw

It was the day of the show Ann invited the two sisters to. It was only about 2 weeks after the summer party. Enough time to plan it and too little time to forget about it.   
Besides they both have been excited to see it. Marian liked ballet but she wasn't familiar with it. Usually she just didn't have time to go. When Anne was on her travels in the wide world Marian stayed home to take care of her sick aunt. She didn't mind it but she hardly had time for herself.

Anne on the contrary has been to many ballet shows and similar things. Anne liked the fancy guests and atmosphere. It was more about being seen than the show in Paris. Especially for the women. Anne certainly loved the women in Paris.

But on that day it wasn't a ballet in Paris. It was a ballet in York. A ballet in which the lovely Miss Walker had the starring role. It was completely sold out but Ann managed to arrange some places for them in the 'vip' area of the theater.  
Marian was beyond excited. She wore one of the fancy dresses she owned but never got to wear.  
It was dark blue with some satin and some silver beads around the collar. A good color for her.   
The older sister wasn't much of a fun of dresses so she choose a very fancy jumpsuit in black. It was the only color she has been wearing for 12 years now. She had her reasons but it also just looked good on her. Anne was a type for it. Type for androgynous clothing and colors. 

"Marian hurry up, you know it's a long drive down to York and I certainly don't want to be late." Anne shouted from downstairs so her sister could hear her in the bathroom. "I'm on it, my god! Go start the car already I'll be there in a minute!"

Meanwhile in York the beautiful blonde was getting ready for her performance as well. She had been practicing everyday, starving herself so the tailored costume would look perfect.  
Ann wasn't excited for her performance. It was never something to look forward too.

She didn't like to be the center of attention. Besides that her body wasn't made for ballet. She had a very weak spine that could barely carry her own weight but Ann has always been alone and she never had the courage to ask someone for proper help so she just dealt with it in secret.   
A secret she kept so holy. It wasn't a healthy secret. It was destroying her but ballet was what she owed her dead parents. It was their wish for her to dance even though she hated it so much. 

There were only 2 hours to go till the curtains would fall. 2 hours to prep. Now was the time to get serious.  
The other girls were all excited and happy to participate but Ann couldn't connect to any of them. She never could. Ann lacked in many things due to the isolation but especially when it came to social competence.   
So she was alone yet again but it was good this way in that setting. Nobody questioned it as she disappeared to the bathrooms with her purse. 

It was time to prep. Her body was already aching so much it was hard to walk straight. Hard to keep going. But Ann found a something a few years ago that helped her with every performance since then.   
Ecstasy in form of a little pill. It helped her focus. Helped her ignore every little cry of her body.   
She hated taking it but it was the only option. The only option to survive  
And so was it on that evening.

The blonde examined her face in the bathroom mirror. The insomnia that plagued her for months now was showing but the makeup artist did a good job at hiding the little flaws.  
It was only noticeable by her eyes now. 

Her ocean eyes. The window to the soul. The soul that cried for help.

Ann shook her head and opened her purse to pull out her magic pill. She needed to focus. Focus on what's important now. The blonde held the tiny thing between her delicate fingers. 

"One last time." 

She promised herself. A promise she gave herself the last 2 years. Everytime was the last time. It would be different afterwards. It was never different. 

The two sisters arrived at the theater after an hour drive just in time for the show. A waiter showed them their seats at the balcony. Two other people sat there as well but neither of them knew them. It didn't matter. This was an amazing view on the stage.   
The selection of seats made Anne smile. Maybe these were the only two left but Anne liked to imagine that the blonde took good care that they were seated well. 

The show began after some time and the theater went dark and silent. The light was focused on the stage and the orchestra started playing. It was a beautiful symphony and with it the first dancers came on stage.  
They were all in perfect synch to each other and the music. Their dancing resembled how anyone would imagine little fairies dancing on flowers.   
It was amazing to see. Anne could tell how starstruck and fascinated her sister was but the fairies were not the reason why Anne came.

The main act came on stage after the fairies warmed the stage up. Ann had a beautiful and tight costume with soft pastels and sparkling gems. She was elegant, beyond perfection. Every move was on point. No mistakes, no flaws.   
Her costume, the light, music and simply the blonde herself made her look like an angel in that very moment. As if she descended from heaven.   
Anne was convinced if there was something like heaven and hell, a girl like her would wait at the gates of paradise. 

The show ended after about an hour and a half. A normal time for a ballet yet the moments where Ann was on stage felt like she stopped and sped up the time at the same time. Anne could've watched her for hours. Watch her in private. Dance for her alone.   
She was impressed by her skill and her elegance. 

It was tradition that Ann joined a dinner after the performance. Only chosen guests were invited. Guests she couldn't choose herself but she managed to get the Listers on the dinner list as well.   
A pleasant surprise for the sister as a gentleman gave them the notice for it. The dinner would be hosted in a small italian restaurant across the theater.  
Hopefully a good opportunity to get back in contact with the blonde, Anne thought. If she was still in good condition to do that. Anne didn't want to push or break in any boundaries, especially because she was convinced the other guests would do that enough already. 

Ann was still backstage. The effect of the magic pill decreased fast and the scream for help of her own body became stronger and stronger. She had to escape to the bathrooms once again after she changed out of the costume back into her normal clothes.   
The pain in her back was so strong she could barely stand up straight. Ann wanted to cry and hide but that wasn't an option. She couldn't let anyone know about her flaws. It wasn't meant for the public.   
The blonde slowly looked up. Her face pale and her eyes hollow. They almost looked fake, like two glass eyes. She took a deep breath before she pulled out a few more pills out of her purse. Different ones. Painkillers and caffeine tablets. She took two of each dry.   
"Come on Ann. Just this dinner. Come on you stupid bitch." Ann had a poor opinion of herself. She always had and there has never been anyone that praised her or let her know any differently.   
The pain slowly eased and about 10 minutes later she managed to find herself on her way to the dinner. 

Multiple men were seated around Ann. They all had watched her, made her flat and cheesy compliments to vow at her and spark some interested in her for one of them. Anne could tell that the spark wasn't even close to lighting up. Ann was a good actress and she certainly was a very sweet and polite girl but Anne knew these patterns. Ann hardly answered them and if she did mostly with just a smile or a few simple words.   
Sometimes their eyes met and Anne managed to get a small smile through to her. A wink even here and there.   
The dinner was quiet without some trouble until Ann excused herself mid main course. It wasn't the most polite manner but she was probably just tired, Anne thought. 

Ann was beyond tired. The young woman hurried to the bathroom and locked herself into one of the stalls just to throw up the components in her stomach. Cold sweat ran over forehead and her body was shaking so much she could barely move.   
Ann wanted to go home. She couldn't push herself any further than this.  
But she had to. She had to get back out there.   
Somehow she pulled herself up on the toilet, aching so much that she feared she would pass out any second. Her body was breaking under the stress and pressure but Ann couldn't help to ignore it. She stood in the bathroom at the sink and washed her mouth out to get rid of the awful taste in it. 

The men and other guests got into a heated discussion and nobody noticed the blonde missing. Nobody but Anne. She counted the minutes. It was normal for a moment to spend about 5 minutes in the restroom but as it hit 10 and then 15 minutes she couldn't help but worry.   
"I'll excuse myself for a second." She smiled charmingly as she got up and hurried to the restrooms.   
She had no specific worry but as she saw the fragile Miss Walker standing there at the sink, pale like a ghost and aching in pain, she got reassured that she indeed was not worrying about nothing.   
"Miss Walker-" Anne let herself know and as their eyes met she could see pure terror in the younger one's eyes. Ann could barely answer as the pain took over and everything went black for moment. Her legs were so weak they couldn't care her anymore. 

Ann expected to hit the ground by now but as her vision came back to her she felt that the older one reacted in time to catch her. "Good lord Miss Walker, no offence but you look terrible." Anne commented as she held the blonde in a steady and tight grip for a few moments before Ann regained the strength back in her legs.   
"I-I.. I need to go back.. to the table." She exhaled and tried to put on the pretty face again. "Oh no you absolutely don't. Please let me bring you home safe." Anne offered.   
It was what the fragile one needed the most right now. Someone that knew better than her and told her what to do, because Ann was in fact at loss of what she should do.   
Ann wanted to decline but another dizzy spell that almost knocked her out again gave her no choice but to agree.   
"Don't worry about the guest's I'll take care of them for you." - "Thank you Miss Lister…" 

Together they managed to get to the car after Anne excused the two. She took care that Miss Walker was well seated in and held her with the seatbelt.  
For the first time in ages she felt like someone was taking care of her and her health. Ann felt secure in Anne's present. Something in her wanted to trust her, Trust her with everything but the rest of her was still to scared of another heart break. 

Rain started pouring down on them as they made their way home. It trembled against the windshield and the windows. It was quiet but not uncomfortably quiet.   
"Thank you Miss Lister. That was very kind of you." Ann said on the highway. "I mean it. I-I am not saying that because it's what I should say but because I mean it. I appreciate it." Anne was certainly surprised by her sudden words and the honesty behind them. She could tell there was more behind her words. More stories she wanted to tell. More things she wanted to say but it was too early. Ann was too scared and Anne respected that.   
One day she would tell her all these things, Anne was sure of that.


	3. Step by step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little summary chapter! (I'm uploading 2 chapters at the same time so dont forget to read both! 3&4 💖)

The incident at the aftershow dinner might not have been the most pleasant but it got the ball rolling.

A few days after Ann invited Anne for dinner to her place to pay her back for driving her home all the way from York. It was a pleasant evening. The two women had more in common than Ann had ever expected and she had to admit the older woman was by far the most interesting person she ever met.  
Her stories about her travels aboard fascinated the blonde, especially because she had hardly been aboard herself.  
Ann loved the stories from Paris when Anne studied anatomy there. Her stories were so extraordinary and she sure as hell was a person with huge impact on other people.

Anne felt the same towards the blonde. Ann was delicate and had a poor opinion of herself but she was very clever and smart but especially curious and excited to try new things. A good characteristic for Anne's hopes that their relationship would maybe change into something more… intimate.   
They went out for lunch almost everyday and Anne showed her the most secret and extraordinary kitchens and restaurants in Halifax. Ann was hardly like any other woman she met before and good lord Anne had met a lot of them.  
Though she noticed some behaviour that made her worry, worry about Ann's well being. Things like Ann never finishing her food, looking very pale and sometimes even sickly, her clear lack of sleep and how many pills Ann took over the span of their meetings. She usually just said they were vitamins and other medication for her spine problems but the whole mixture of things Anne noticed didn't seem acceptable. She gave her some advice here and there but kept her mouth shut about it otherwise. Their relationship wasn't close enough for that, the brunette thought and she certainly didn't want to scare her away as Ann seemed to isolate herself fast.  
She would have to wait. Step by step. Anne was glad enough about the little Ann opened up to her and it felt like it became more every time they met


	4. The beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions of homophobia
> 
> Also side note: all my knowledge of places is from google Ive never been to these places i just googled the distance and nice places to go not too far from Halifax sO if I got anything wrong!!pls dont come for me :•( but let me know in case I did tho!

Another day, another chance to get closer to the ballet dancer. Anne had planned a little day trip for the two women. Ann seemed curious for new things and fond to try them but hardly got out of her house. She thought it would be good for her and their relationship.  
It was a great joy as the gentle blonde agreed to it a few days before via text.   
Anne had planned to take her to Scarborough beach. A 2 hour drive from Halifax but it certainly would be worth it. It was a rather spontaneous trip. They could stay how long they wanted and if it got too late or Anne was too tired to drive they would just rent a hotel nearby.   
It was important to her that the day happened however it would. She didn't want Ann to feel pressured or stress due to time. This was supposed to be a timeless day. A day for Ann to feel free from her usual environment and free around Anne.  
At least that was what she hoped it would be but judging by the way Ann acted around her, Anne had no doubt the blonde wasn't at least a little interested in her. 

The time had come for Anne to pick her company up. She always picked her up. No matter where and when. It was something Anne liked doing in order to show that she cared about her getting safe from place to place.   
So she arrived on time at exactly 10 am at Crow's nest, shooting a quick 'i'm here text' after she parked but the blonde was faster than the text. 

Ann had been excited for this day. She liked spending time with Anne and having a whole day with her seemed beyond exciting.   
Her excitement woke her up in the morning with loads of energy and caused her to get ready much sooner and quicker than she had anticipated, resulting that she waited at her window for Anne's car to pull up for at least an hour.   
She shot down out the house as soon as she could when she recognised the number plate.   
Ann took a deep breath, to not seem overly excited like a little child, before she opened the big front door to walk down the pavement to Anne's car. 

The brunette got out of her car as she spotted the blonde and walked to the other side to open the door for her Ann. She admired her as she watched her head down the pathway to her car. Ann wore a light blue summer dress with soft pink flowers on it and on her head a matching straw hat. She looked perfect. Perfect as always.

"Hello" the beautiful blonde smiled with her rosy lips as she approached her. By now that had put aside the formalities and rather went with more friendship sounding tone in private. They hugged for second as a greeting before Ann sat down in the car.  
The older one closed the door and quickly jogged around the car to get back in as well.

"I am so excited! The last time I went there was when I was a little child!" Ann smiled as the car started. "I'm glad I could convince you to come with me. I've recently been and it certainly is a beautiful place, especially now with this lovely summer weather."

And so their little road trip started.

"I made us sandwiches in case we would get hungry on the way. I didn't know what you like but I hope I chose the right thing judging by what you ate the last few times we went for lunch together." A soft blush painted Ann's cheeks as she opened up about her little care package for the two.   
"I'm sure they are perfect. Thank you." Anne glimpsed over to the blonde on the other seat. Their eyes met for a spare second. A second Anne used to throw a cheeky wink at the other one before her eyes turned back to the road.

After 2 hours they finally arrived at their destination. They had eaten the sandwiches during the car ride so there was no need to get some lunch at first. They could get straight to exploring. Ann seemed fond of this little town and especially the beach. She remembered the time she visited with her family when she was still a young girl. Back when her parents and her brother were still alive.   
Elizabeth and her would play in the sand and build sandcastles for hours. It was their dream to live in one together. Who would've thought back then things would turn out like they did. Who would've thought that these were of the very few last memories they would have as a family.

Ann tried not to think about too much. Think about the pain she had to swallow for so many years.   
She didn't want to think of it now. Anne arranged this for them and she wanted to be with Anne. Physically and mentally. 

They took a stroll around town and down the beach. It was a rather quiet day. A few families here and there but luckily nothing crowded. It gave Ann the freedom to feel at ease and not worry if someone knew her.   
Being with Anne alone made her feel at ease. Anne didn't seem to judge her for who she was. Didn't judge her for her interests and her hobbies like painting. On the contrary the older one seemed very interested in them. She always asked about them and let Ann talk for hours about the things she liked.   
Anne cared about them, at least that was what it felt like.   
-  
Time flies when you have fun, Ann thought as she noticed the sun setting. It was an amazing view. The big golden ball slowly touching the dark blue horizon. Sinking into nothingness. A few stars sparkled already here and there and the moon showed its little face already as well. The view made Ann zone out a little. Lost in thought she stared at the natural rhythm of things in front of them.

Anne noticed the sun dawning as well but she much more prefered to look at the blonde. The warm light made her skin glow and her eyes sparkle. Her rosy lips and cheeks looked even rosier and her blonde hair looked like gold. Something about Ann Walker was so different to other women and Anne had a fair share of women in her past. Ann was such a gentle nature with so much to say and so many thoughts but repressed by years of bad influence.   
It made Anne wanting to see what's behind the closed curtains. The curtains that nobody was allowed to open. Curtains made of steel and iron. Secrets so deeply locked away. 

"Let's watch the sunset together." Anne whispered and gently touched the blonde's arm to get her back from her little trip into infinity. Ann turned her head towards the older woman beside her and just nodded.  
Together they managed to find a nice comfortable place in the sad to settle down. It was quiet between them for a few moments. Just enjoying the moment. No words were needed to be said. Nothing left to discuss in this very moment. 

"Can we take a picture? I want to remember this." Ann shyly broke the silence as the last few sunrays tickled their skin. It made Anne chuckle slightly but she agreed to it.   
The blonde got her phone out and they moved a little closer together to both fit into the picture. Ann's hands were a little shaky so instead of pushing the capture button she pressed the video button. Neither of them noticed at first but when Ann did she let out a laugh in embarrassment. "Oh my god. It's a video I'm so stupid." She laughed. "You are not stupid Ann. Just… maybe a little clumsy." It certainly made Anne laugh as well.   
As if things weren't already enough like a comedy sketch a sudden blow of the wind hit theirs heads and carried Ann's strawhat with it. "My hat!" She let out a slight scream but it was too late by then. The wind carried the hat onto the ocean and let the waves wear it.   
"Should I go get it for you?" Anne offered jokingly but Ann immediately held onto her arm to stop her from eventually getting up for real. "No are you crazy?" She giggled.   
The video on her phone was still running so she ended up using it to zoom onto the hat on the waves. "Goodbye" she waved at the hat with a giggle and so did Anne.   
Ann finally stopped the recording on her phone.   
By now the sun was gone and had disappeared into the abyss of the ocean. Too dark to take any pictures now but she had the video as a little silly memory. 

The stars now shone in their full glory. Sparkling over the dark night sky. Dancing around the moon that was so bright and smiled down onto earth. 

A gentle breeze hit them from the ocean and Anne worried the dainty girl besides her could catch a cold. So she took off her light blazer and carefully laid it over the blonde's shoulders. "Aren't you going to be cold?" Ann asked with clear worry in her voice but the other one just declined with a soft shake of her head. Ann appreciate the gesture and slipped into the sleeves of the blazer.  
Anne was taller than her and it was noticeable with the clothes as well. The black sleeves covered her pale hands almost completely. She liked it. Liked the warmth of the blazer and the smell. Anne's perfume had such a specific scent. Something like no other would wear. A lot of things about Anne were like no one else she had ever met. There were hardly any powerful and independent women in her environment due to strong religious beliefs and old habits.

"Can I ask you something? Something rather personal? You can decline if you are not comfortable with sharing but- I'm curious." Ann stuttered together, clearly embarrassed. "Sure. You can always ask me whatever you want." Anne wanted to encourage her to open up towards her. Even if it meant opening up first. She wanted to build a trustworthy and safe environment for them.   
"When did you know that you… you know-" - "liked women?" - "Yes! I-I mean… if its too personal I understand I just-" - "Ann. It's fine. It is by far not such a big deal for me." It used to be but not anymore. Anne had come to terms with her and her sexuality a long time ago. As a teenage she used to see it as a curse, to be so different from everyone she knew around her but now it became her blessing.   
"Let's see… when did I know.." she started and looked up in the sky to collect her thoughts and memories. Anne could feel the soft blue eyes staring at her but it wasn't an uncomfortable stare. It was a curious one. One that deep down looked for something to relate to.   
The older one started telling stories of her first encounters with the same sex. She had always been interested in the fairer sex whether if it was anatomically or physically as a partner. 

They were inspiring stories. It was the first time Ann heard someone talk about it so freely and confidently. Like it was normal, which it obviously was but not for Ann's family. They talked a lot about the Lister's due to Anne's sexuality. The blonde never saw a problem with it when other people loved the same sex but it would certainly become a problem if she did. 

The stories moved something inside her that she had always tried to repress. Something so hidden and dark it was never allowed to see the light of the day. Something nobody was allowed to know but everytime she spend time with the brunette besides her it became harder and harder to ignore.   
She always thought she was suppose to 'endure men'. She thought no women actually enjoyed being touched and they all just tolerated it.   
Relationships and sex were so unspoken of in her family and the environments she had been in, she could never ask anyone about it. 

It was just Ann and her feelings alone, eating her up and the pressure of settling down with a man she didn't necessarily liked growing bigger and stronger everyday she grew older.   
It was nothing but pain. Pain that she didn't even recognise as such. Pain and threat so natural she forced herself to live like this. 

-

It got later and later and at some point they decided to make their way back home. Ann eventually fell asleep on the 2 hour car ride back home. It was a magical view. As magical as the sunset they watched just a few hours before.   
Her golden hair loosely falling over her freckles cheeks, the slightly too large blazer covering her body, her rosy lips slightly open and the curling of her nose as she ever so silently snored. It was a peaceful image. Something Anne wanted to treasure in her mind forever.

At 2:30 they arrived back at Crow's nest. "Ann…" Anne whispered and carefully touched the blonde's shoulder. It was a touch with care, not wanting to scare her awake but to gently carry her out of her dreams. The blonde murmured something inaudible until she slowly came back to earth from her little dream world.   
She looked around, clearly confused where they were but happy to see that Anne was still beside her. "I-I must've fallen asleep… I apologise." She whispered tiredly as she rubbed her eyes awake. "Don't worry about it. We are here. You are home." Ann was certainly surprised as she heard Anne's words. Home? She slept the whole ride home? Slept instead of enjoying the last few moments with Anne? It angered her. Anger she didn't understand just yet. "Oh- I'm sorry I slept the whole time I-" - "Its okay Ann. It was a long day. I'm glad you could relax a little." Anne's words were always filled with so much care. She had never said a word that came even close to harming the blonde. "Thank you. Thank you for today I really did manage to relax and enjoy myself." The anger slowly wore off again and a gentle smile laid down on Ann's lips. 

"Drive safe home please. Let me know when you arrived okay?" - " I will. Good night." - "Good night Anne."


	5. A little bit in love with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW!!! Mentions/hints of abuse

Ann hardly wanted to miss any opportunity to meet the older woman. It felt like it was the first time that someone understood her. Her and not the person she pretended and needed to be. Everytime was so natural with her. No words had to be thought over 10 times. No forbidden topics. Ann could talk to Anne about anything and everything.   
It was the first time after her parents died she could open up to someone. Open up so much that it woke up feelings she had been burying and hiding for so long. 

Unfortunately Ann had to refrain from Miss Lister for a few days as her sister invited her over for her son's birthday to Edinburgh. It was a rather short notice with the flight already booked.   
But Ann didn't want to leave without seeing the woman she adored so much one last evening. So she invited her over a day before her flight. For dinner and to finally show her some of the art she made in the past few months.   
Ann was rather shy about it so Anne was the first person she actually wanted to show it to.

Anne had a rather busy schedule but she always found some time to visit the younger one. Especially when it seemed important like this. Besides that Ann always helped her take her mind off of work. Anne was always busy and liked working hard but sometimes it was a little too much even for her. Women used to he distractions from it but there was never a moment she would not not think about it. It was different with the blonde. Something about her kind and light hearted soul made that department of her brain shut down for the time they were together.  
So meeting with Ann was always also a pleasure for her.   
But there was more. Anne felt like Ann opened her heart to her. That the feelings Ann felt finally formed inside of her so the brunette was rather confident to go a step further that night.

As the clock hit 6pm the doorbell rang. Ann had just finished getting ready and setting up the table so she hurried to the door to not let her visitor wait. To her surprise Anne was already upstairs and not downstairs at the front gate but Ann didnt think about it at that time. She was just pleased to see her as she opened the door.

"Good evening." - "Good evening. Are these for me?" Ann was even more surprised as the older one held a little bouquet of flowers in her hands. "Oh you shouldn't have Anne!" A soft blush covered her cheeks as she took the flowers from her before she let her in.   
"It smells delicious in here." Anne commented as she took off her jacket but Ann still seemed to starstruck by the flowers. It was cute. Beyond cute actually. There probably hasn't been a single woman in Anne's life that appreciated a simple gesture like that so much. 

"Oh- Yes! I cooked for us!" Ann answered as she snapped back in. "Follow me." The blonde went ahead and guided her guest down the hallway to the large living room that had an open kitchen. "You can sit down already I'll take care of the flowers." Ann hurried to the kitchen's work space to find a fitting vase. 

Meanwhile Anne took a look around with her eyes. It was how she imagined it to be. Light and a little girly with flowers here and there but not too much. It was all kept nice and tidy. Between the flowers and soft pastels a few religious artifacts could be found. A few crosses and angels everywhere.   
Anne found religion rather interesting but never participated in one. Sometimes she wondered what it must be like to believe in a high power like that and being under such pressure.   
If Ann's believes were that strong too? They never talked about it and Ann seemed to be avoiding the topic every time it was brought up so Anne wouldn't force her into anything.

The blonde found a matching vase and set it down on the table. "Pretty." Anne commented as she finally decided to sit down. "So, why did you want to see me so urgently?" Not that she didn't enjoy her company but the sudden message got her rather curious.  
Ann opened up a wine bottle for them and filled her guest's glass before she sat down as well. "My sister invited me over to Edinburgh to her sons birthday. The flight is tomorrow." Ann opened up about the news. She seemed nervous and Anne couldn't grasp why just yet. Ann always spoke very highly of her sister so wasn't it a pleasure to see her again? "That sounds nice. Spending some time with the kids and your sister." Anne commented and the blonde quickly agreed, clearly worried that it seemed like she wasn't excited. "I just didn't want to leave before seeing you one last time. It's going to feel weird to not have lunch with you or see you for a week" Words that warmed Anne's heart. The blonde was exactly where she wanted to have her. "Oh Ann. Don't worry its going to be fine. I promise." The brunette slowly reached out and gently touched the petite hand resting on the table. "And I can pick you up from the airport if you want that." 

Their dinner was peaceful and once again they didn't run out of topics to talk about. They never did but especially not during that dinner. Anne used a few opportunities to brush hands with Ann to see how she reacted. How her cheeks blushed and her ocean eyes sparkled a little. It was angelic. Ann was angelic. 

After dinner they moved from the dining table to the couch to sit a bit more comfortable. Together they already killed 1 bottle of wine and they were about to finish another.   
Anne noticed that the hard shell of the blonde melted and they were much closer to each other than before. Their knees touched here and there whenever they laughed about something and Ann did not pull away. Neither of them did.

It was quiet for a moment as Ann finished her wine glass. A quiet moment Anne once again made her own. She waited until the blonde got rid of the glass by setting it down again and leaning back against the couch afterwards. 

"Have you ever wanted to kiss anyone?" 

Anne asked with a soft voice. Almost as if she was whispering. As if she was telling her a secret nobody was allowed to know. The question caught the blonde off guard. She had kissed people but… she never wanted to kiss any of them.

"H-Have you?"

Her voice even quieter. More like a little gasp. Unsure of the answer they might get.   
Anne examined Ann's face with her eyes, scanning her pale skin, wanting to remember every single mole and pore on her until she got stuck on her lips. 

"Everytime I come here."

The blonde was speechless. Her mouth dry and her heart racing. It opened up something inside her that wasn't allowed to be opened. She didn't know what to say, felt like she had to answer something but didn't know what, luckily the brunette noticed and took that pressure from her. 

"I think you are a little bit in love with me Ann."

Her warm hand slowly reached out to carefully touch the other woman's neck. Ann didn't pull away but Anne could tell she was scared. Maybe she believed more of the lies her family told her than she suspected but Anne wouldn't give up. Not yet.

"Don't be scared."

She whispered before her touched her so carefully as if she was made out of glass.  
Anne could feel the goosebumps forming underneath her skin as she slowly made her way up her pale neck towards her jawline. 

"Doesn't it feel wrong to kiss men?"

Another question that caught her so off guard. The sensation of the touch of her hand made her feel things she never felt before. Her touch was so caring and gentle. Nothing like the men that touched her. She was right. It felt wrong.

"The way they touch, the way they kiss. Rough without care. Like animals. Beasts. Predators. Doesn't it feel that way?"

It did. It always did. They felt gross. It felt gross. The act of kissing and touching them felt wrong and gross. 

"I know what that feels like Ann. Does this feel wrong?" 

Her fingers stroke over her soft jaw line, up her cheeks, over her nose before her thumb gently stroke over her rosy pink lips. Her upper lip was still a little wet from the wine they just had but her curiosity of how they felt like grew bigger with every touch.   
Ann's face was a masterpiece, like it was made out of the finest marble. Build by Michelangelo himself.   
Anne was unsure of how far she could go in this moment. She didn't want to scare Ann away but the tension burning in the air made it hard for her to keep still. The brunette leaned forward a little bit more to whisper one last thing but suddenly-

The doorbell rang once again. 

Not now. God damn not now.   
The sudden noise scared the blonde so much that she twitched together as if it was a gunshot. "I-I am sorry. I'll get that." So she quickly got up from the couch to head to the front door.  
Anne sighed in frustration before she took a big sip out of her wine glass. 

Ann wasn't expecting anyone, especially not to this hour so she was unsure of who it might be but as she opened the door she was not pleasantly surprised to see who stood in front of her door.

Thomas Ainsworth. 

They used to be close friends but after he confessed his strong feelings of love to the blonde, she distanced herself.  
With no success. He started coming over a few months ago but it became more and more each time.   
Thomas showed up drunk once again. So drunk Ann could smell his stench without being close to him.

She sighed. "Thomas we talked about this. You can't keep showing up here!" Ann tried to have a serious tone but due to her own slight intoxicating it was hard.   
"Ann please. I love you. I want to marry you. I want you to be MY wife and have MY kids." He begged. Words that made her indescribably uncomfortable. She didn't know how to deal with them.  
'Doesn't it feel wrong to kiss men?' Shot back into her head. It did.   
"Thomas there is never going to be anything like this between us. Please leave."   
The drunk man tried to say something again but a sudden cough from the living room caught his attention. "You have a visitor? Another man?!" He sounded angry. So angry it scared her. She didn't know what he would and wouldn't do at this state.   
Afterall he did things in this state to Ann that she could never forget. 

"No not another man and besides- its none of your business." Ann got a little louder but immediately lowered her voice again. She didn't want the neighbours to hear this but especially not Anne. 

"Oh or is it the Lister lady? You know the lesbian? Yeah you've been seen together. You know what she does to other women. Turn them gay. Imagine what your parents would say. Little Ann a lesbian? A sinner and against god?" His words were teasing but they triggered a deep fear inside of the blonde. He knew exactly what buttons to push. They had been friends for too long.   
Thomas could tell how it was cooking up inside Ann. 

"Homosexuality is the highest sin Ann-"  
"SHUT UP!"

The blonde yelled as the fear rose to her head. Ann pushed him away but it also pushed him back into a much more aggressive state. The drunk man grabbed her petite wrists like they were toys. "You don't touch me like that, woman." He hissed at her.

"And you don't touch her like that." 

A third voice joined the conversation. It surprised him so much that he softened the grip around Ann's wrists for just a split second. A moment Ann immediately used and pulled away.  
She didn't want Anne to see all this but now she was glad. Glad to not be alone and have someone on her side.   
Ainsworth knew he had no chance against the two women. No matter what his drunk brain could come up with. Ann had a witness now. It was too dangerous. 

Anne walked up to him, threatening him with her pure presence. "If I ever hear or see you around this property or Miss Walker again, god have mercy with you."

He was defeated and retreated the second Anne finished her words. Like the coward that he was.   
The older one turned around back to Ann and noticed her leaning against the door frame, clearly shaken up. There must be more than she knew but she wouldn't ask now. It was not the time.   
Anne went up to her and gently guided her back inside. 

"I'm sorry Anne." She whispered as they sat back on the couch, Anne checking the fragile wrists of the blonde for any damage the man might have caused.   
"Now what on earth are you sorry for?" The brunette looked up to her, finding tears in the blue ocean eyes. "You don't deserve what he said about you. He doesn't know you and-" Ann tried to apologise for his behaviour but Anne immediately cut her off. "No Ann. Do Not apologise. None of this is your fault. None of what he said is your fault. Do you hear me?" The words didn't get quite through to Ann just yet and she tried to avoid eye contact but the other one wouldn't let her.   
Her warm hand once again rose up to her cheek and carefully lifted her head up to make their eyes meet again. 

"It's not your fault. You don't have to apologise. You hear me?" 

"...yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone eats me: YES I KNOW I FORGOT ANN SHOWIMG ANNE HER ART IM SORRY 💀 SHE WILL ON ANOTHER OCCASION!!


End file.
